It’s 4:00 a.m. and I wake up having to use the restroom. Yesterday I realized my last cycle was 7 weeks ago. Nothing too absurd, it’s happened before. But last week hubby and I had a little spat which brought me to tears, now this is a bit out of character for me. Hubby asked me the day after if it wasn’t time to do a test. I told him not to be so absurd, I was still recovering from being so sick and all the medication could very easily make my cycle a bit off. However yesterday I decided to do a test and the package said it was best to do it with morning urine as this gives the best results. 

I know I won’t be able to go back to sleep anymore now I’m thinking about if I should take a pregnancy test or not. I slip out of bed and grab the test. For a minute I hope its negative so my husband was wrong. But I would so much rather have him be right. I take the test and cross my fingers. Wait five minutes the package says, but after 30 seconds there are already two clear lines. They just get stronger and stronger. Holy moly. Two lines. I check the package. Two lines means pregnant. We’re expecting. I’m with baby. There is something in my belly besides food.

I go back to bed and can’t stop smiling. It’s 4:30 a.m. although I’m terribly tired sleep is far from my mind. I’m going to be a mommy. How will I tell hubby? I decide I’ll let him sleep so at least one of us is rested. I keep tossing and turning, hubby wakes up and asks me if my sugars are okay. “Yup, they’re fine go back to sleep.” He turns to look at me in the dark and without missing a beat says: “you’re pregnant”. 

Neither of us got much sleep anymore. We just lay there staring at the ceiling with a thousand thoughts a minutes rushing through our minds. I am unbelievably thankful I started looping a couple of weeks ago. Regulating my sugars during pregnancy has been a big worry of mine for years already. I was never sure I would be able to. But even after a few weeks loop gives me the reassurance that I’ll make it through. It will be though, every pregnancy is tough and then I still have to take care of my diabetes as well but loop has my back, as does my hubby. Together we’ll make it through. 

As soon as the gynecologists office opens I call to schedule an appointment, we actually get squeezed in for the end of the afternoon. My biggest worry at the moment is not my sugars but what all the medication and x-ray I received  two weeks ago may have done for damage. I don’t think I’ve ever been this nervous for a doctor’s appointment. We are at seven weeks already and there’s this blinking light visible on the ultrasound. It turns out to be babies heart. It’s terribly strong for seven weeks and the doctor reassures us if the medication or my high sugars would’ve done any damage we would’ve had a miscarriage. Baby is healthy and strong. Hubby and I are overjoyed; we managed to make a human being. A tiny little disco ball already dancing to the beat of it’s own heart. Although I am over the moon with love and excitement I also know there are going to be some very though months ahead of me…